Horror vs Community: a choice of focus

We cannot control what happens in the world, but we can control our attention

This is the first time in weeks that I have felt the energy and motivation to open my laptop and perform any meaningful work. The wear and tear of wartime has taken its toll on me, and like many of us, I am in distress as I see loved ones volunteer for being genocided, or are needlessly put in the way of harm. The idea that we should be able to function normally while being psychologically tortured is ridiculous, yet somehow we cling to it.

There is increasingly grim news as the reality of the death and injury starts to bite. Conceptually we have known for some time that these “vaccines” were always intended to harm, and never to help. Now we see the frequent health problems of fit sportspeople, a sudden spike in stillbirths, schoolchildren with heart attacks and strokes, a surge in soft tissue cancers. This is on top of the previous mass murder of the elderly with midazolam, and the hospitalised with remdesivir.

Furthermore, injuries from the injections seem to be concentrated to specific batches, which smacks of a calibration process for killing. The diabolical plan is to have a diffuse array of “slow burn” harms that are hard to trace to the cause, and to cover up the effects as symptoms of ever more “virus variants”. Many appear to be given saline with the initial shots so that they experience no adverse effects, and become advocates for the safety of “needle rape”.

The nightmarish contents of “the jab” are being discovered by researchers: lacerating graphene hydroxide, that makes you slowly bleed to death internally; multiple life-shortening disgusting parasites; nanotech poison “bubble bombs” that can be “exploded” later with EMF or ultrasound; and cytotoxic spike proteins that spread to key organs. This is before we even begin to investigate the transhumanist potential for “zombification” and external integration into the “metaverse” of control.

The pain of seeing this is compounding for some of us. We know that those footballers falling to the grass clutching their chest will not be playing again. We also know that we are seeing the mass traumatisation of the spectators in the process. They may not yet appreciate what is happening, but as onlookers to this blood sacrifice they cannot “unsee” the slow killing. The aware see this at all its levels of abuse, and it is the worst horror movie ever.

What was a foreseen inevitability is now an experienced loss, and this transition has an emotional and spiritual impact. After four years my appetite for information synthesis has been waning, since anyone who cannot see the war for what it is by now is likely doomed. Those committed to being “dead certain” of their rightness and righteousness face an increasing certainty of death with each injection. No data or argument I could make would change their suicidal path.

My own sense of purpose has become blunted; the war has entered a different phase needing a fresh approach. Without wanting to belabour my own woes, it is also hard work making an online impact (and making a living) when you’re getting constantly deplatformed. I have made the effort to build audiences on Medium, YouTube, Twitter, and Patreon only to lose them completely. For example, a roughly 90% drop in my reach in the past year maps to a 90% reduction in my “annual bonus” income from calendars, going from thousands to hundreds of dollars. It puts a lot of extra stress on me.

There have been whole days in the last few weeks when I could hardly shift myself from bed. Out of necessity I let go of the need to produce anything or correspond with anyone; it can all wait. Yet there has been a bit of an epiphany while huddled under the duvet spending endless hours scrolling depressing Telegram feeds. It comes in two parts. The first is to fully accept that this really is a global genocide happening “on our watch”, and the second is to refocus my own efforts on surviving and thriving via a community of choice.

Genocide imposes a lot of “emotional work” upon us, as we internalise the brutal reality of events. By next winter we might find ourselves heaping up bodies, and confronting the collapse of many services like garbage collection and public transport. Those perpetrating genocide are going to use every trick and tool to try to stop us reclaiming our freedom and bringing them to justice. We cannot know exactly what we will meet, just that we have a rough time ahead, and need to face it collectively.

Meanwhile, there are demands on my attention and decisions to be made. Genocide as the constraining context requires an altered approach to each choice. Does this help me to survive, look after kids, or build the future? If not, then it can be ruthlessly ditched. Maybe my (unused) consulting company can be allowed to crash by neglect; it’s good to let go of my tiny London studio as the cities are going to get hard to live in; perhaps it’s not the greatest use of resources paying taxes to those killing your family; some friends cannot be salvaged as it’s not my job to tell them what they have done to themselves.

My sense is that the British state is still going through the motions of many bureaucratic processes, but is actually no longer alive in a meaningful sense. I am hearing stories of mass opt-out of existing structures in parts of the UK. Those manning many posts that keep you “following the rules” will not be around for much longer, whether from sickness or financial collapse. Not everything deserves the unthinking compliance I once pursued; it’s a consequentialist evaluation of the impact of “not behaving myself”.

The flip side from letting go of the old ways of living is that it opens up space for new ones. Discussions with city friends suggest an increasing appetite for clubbing together to buy some rural property with land for food and make a go of community living. We will need the practical and emotional support of others as conveniences previously taken for granted disappear, even if temporarily. The way we have been living in small units may be unsuited for the challenges of the next few years.

So one minute I’m a telecoms guru, next a “QAnon conspiracy theorist”, then an urban photographer, and maybe finally I’m back to my family roots as a small scale farmer. The size of the likely collapse ahead looks worse here in the UK than in (red state) America, but the land here is also maybe a little more clement for self-sufficiency. The invitation is to go beyond a hopeless paralysis, and instead start constructing the world we wish to inhabit.

The current “war forecast” is for a civilisation near death experience, with survival for those who avoid the death jab, civil unrest, and nature’s violence. Good things are coming, but hard times come first. As a “strict orthodox hedonist” my goal is not to be a “prepper” nibbling away emergency rations, but to continue to enjoy life fully within the limits that circumstances offer. As such, I have realised that I have a potential new task ahead of me that re-invigorates my purpose.

If the coming big shift is from city to community living, then I can begin to investigate and document existing communities for how to do it well. So I am considering another “pivot” and reinvention of my task. My loose intention over the next few months is to identify communities in the UK to visit — which could be anything from monasteries to gypsies to off-grid groups. I am thinking of telling their stories, but located in the wider societal changes that we are all experiencing.

Death is a part of life, but to let it occupy our whole field of view is unhealthy and unhelpful. Even if we must face the mass murder of children and those in their prime, we have a duty to ourselves to give our greater attention to life over death. The only rational response I can see to genocide is to focus on living with an unprecedented intensity — in communities that feed our spiritual needs as well as our survival ones.