Resources on Narcissistic Abuse

Awareness of psychological manipulation is your protection at home and at work

I had quite a number of people reach out to me after my previous post, Escape from Narcworld, that describes narcissistic abuse. I would like to draw your attention to this comment, which describes the kind of pattern that we ought to be alert to:

One thing I've noticed with some narcissists and psychopaths is that they are very exciting to be with. Great stories, lots of wonderful vistas of the future, but more to the point is that they get others to push past the limit of morality in a very subtle way.

Say that the moral red line is at 50. Most people operate well below 50. Then comes the exciting narcissist who cares little for that 50 line but who wants to take others over it. So he brings people to 49 and then lets them go back to 45. Then he takes them to 50 and lets them go back to 48. Then he takes them to 51 and lets them relax back to 49. Then 53 back to 51, and eventually 60 and 57, etc., etc. until he has destroyed their moral compass.

What he can then get them to do can become quite horrific. But these narcs seem to know at an unconscious level that they can use the excitement of brushing up against the normal moral limit to shift another otherwise moral person into immoral behavior by pushing and relaxing, pushing harder and relaxing, pushing harder again and relaxing, and so on.

I can recommend that you follow these accounts on X to inject some fresh insight into this dangerous condition into your feed:

@narcissistfacts

@AwareOfTheNarc

@NarcissistBox

@NoContactSurviv

@Ryan_Daigler

@JonRhodesUK

@narcwise

Here is a Grok summary of what these accounts describe:

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Narcissistic abuse is a complex form of emotional and psychological manipulation characterized by several key behaviors and effects:

• Trauma Bonding: This occurs when the abuser alternates between abusive behaviors and loving gestures, creating an emotional bond that can make the victim feel attached to the abuser despite the harm they cause. This cycle of abuse can trap victims for years due to the intermittent reinforcement of affection or kindness.

• Reactive Abuse: Narcissists often provoke their targets to the point of emotional breakdown or retaliation, then use this reaction to paint themselves as the victim, a tactic known as reactive abuse. This manipulation can confuse outsiders and even the victim, making it harder to recognize the initial provocation.

• Gaslighting: A common tactic where the narcissist makes the victim doubt their reality, memory, or perceptions, leading to a significant loss of confidence and self-esteem. This can involve denying events happened, shifting blame, or accusing the victim of being overly sensitive or irrational.

• Family Dynamics: In narcissistic families, there's often a 'scapegoat' who is singled out for blame and mistreatment. This person is typically the one who doesn't conform to the family's dysfunctional norms or who might challenge the narcissist's behavior, leading to a systematic campaign to invalidate or delegitimize them.

• Cluster B Traits: Malignant narcissists might exhibit traits from other personality disorders within the Cluster B group (like Borderline Personality Disorder), where they might engage in 'splitting'—seeing others as entirely good or bad based on their current interactions or perceptions.

• Avoidance of Accountability: Narcissists often discard or cut off communication with individuals they've mistreated, framing it as protecting their peace, when in reality, it's an avoidance of accountability for their actions.

• Manipulative Tactics: Beyond gaslighting, narcissists use:

  • Projection: Attributing their own undesirable traits to the victim.

  • Triangulation: Using a third party to destabilize the relationship between the victim and the narcissist or to make the victim feel jealous or insecure.

  • Hoovering: Attempts to bring the victim back into the cycle of abuse after a period of no contact.

  • Silent Treatment: Withholding communication as a form of punishment or control.

  • Invalidation: Dismissing or belittling the feelings, thoughts, or experiences of the victim.

  • Love-bombing: Overwhelming someone with affection and attention to gain their trust or to reel them back in after abuse.

  • Future Faking: Making promises about the future that are unlikely to be fulfilled, to keep the victim hopeful and compliant.

  • Smear Campaigns: Spreading rumors or lies about the victim to others, often after the relationship has ended, to maintain control or seek revenge.

These insights reveal the depth of manipulation and the psychological impact on victims, emphasizing the importance of recognizing these signs early to seek help or to establish boundaries and potentially remove oneself from such toxic dynamics.

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To aid you further if you wish to dive deeper, try these videos.

Cause of disease

How to leave

How to heal

Double Bind Abuse

The following is also educational on “Double Bind Abuse”, a tool of narcs:

I have encountered the hurt and chaos that narcissistic abuse causes, both directly in my own life, as well as in those close to me. Many of our institutions are intrinsically narcissistic in nature and abusive, furthering the trauma we are subjected to. The bottom line is simple: the only escape is to go “no contact” and leave the abuser and their environment — even if the cost is severe. It is too easy to be seduced by the pleasing veneer of such a dark personality, in the hope that this surface persona can extend deeper, and any malignancy can be resolved. This sadly is not possible; you have to get out and get away.

It’s that time of year