The spy who didn't love me
Lessons from the front line of narcissistic abuse — and the toll it takes on children, parents, and society
I was in America recently to re‑occupy a home being hijacked from a mother as part of a calculated scam. One man — her soon‑to‑be‑ex‑husband — quietly stripped the marital assets in advance of divorce, having conveniently sent her to visit me in England. While she was away, he kidnapped the step‑daughter he had pledged to protect and handed her to another man — the child’s biological father in a different state.
That second man then launched a baseless custody case in a court with, in my view, no jurisdiction — using it to mask a custodial‑interference felony. He lied to the child to secure her compliance, shifting the burden of the crime onto her. It was all about money — ending child support for husband #1 and dodging alimony for husband #2 — wrapped in a false story of “abandonment” and an “affair.”
It hasn’t gone to plan for them.
I am exposing what I believe to be their criminality to a global audience — including civil‑rights violations under colour of law. This was perpetrated via a complicit attorney and two judges whose rulings, in my view, egregiously failed to uphold the Constitution. This campaign is only possible because of you — my loyal readers — whose financial support keeps this work alive. Along the way, I have learned a great deal about familial child trafficking — the domestic cousin to the industrial‑scale horror of trafficking for sex and organs.
I have also experienced firsthand the domestic abuse of coercive controllers who maintain a spotless public image — at work, at church, to casual friends — while running a private regime of intimidation. In this case, the second husband was still pretending to live in the house. He cooked nothing, washed nothing, cleaned nothing — but freely drained joint funds elsewhere, signalling a hidden residence.
He emerged from his room at carefully chosen times to intimidate his estranged wife when I wasn’t in the room to witness it. Past behaviour — including intercepted legal mail — already pointed to surveillance. My background in telecoms and IT security made it easy to spot anomalies: suspicious network activity, probable covert devices. I acquired a physical bug scanner, and there it was — a spy camera, disguised as a Bluetooth speaker, hidden under the TV, capturing every conversation and call.
I believe this constitutes an offence under state and federal law. It is now part of a growing list of unprocessed alleged felonies sitting with the local sheriffs.
Living under these conditions — while simultaneously preparing a judicial review in England — reinforced a rule I already knew: once you’ve been spied on once, presume everything is compromised. Vehicles can be tracked, laptops penetrated, spyware planted. Even if searches turn up nothing, assume zero privacy until you relocate to a clean environment.
In my view, their actions amount to perjury, kidnap, custodial interference, child trafficking under colour of law, deprivation of rights, obstruction of justice, theft, fraud, conspiracy, interception of communications, unlawful surveillance, evidence tampering, and aiding and abetting. Unlike them, I have nothing to hide.
From this ordeal, I want to share three things that may help others trapped in familial trafficking or domestic‑abuse situations:
A scale of malevolent evil via legal simulation
The dynamics of child alienation
A framework of abusive family systems
This is knowledge I wish I’d had before any of this began. I hope it helps you.
A criminal spectrum of respectable evil
The most dangerous offenders don’t come with mugshots or sirens. They come with affidavits, polite emails, and court filings laced with falsehood. They don’t just break the law—they bend, hide behind, and simulate it, weaponising legitimacy to destroy lives. To see how dark personalities fit into the criminal world, consider this “percentiles of malevolence” scale:
0–50%: Petty, desperate, often circumstantial crime — shoplifting food, jumping a train barrier, possessing small amounts of drugs, breaching a minor bylaw. Often driven by poverty, addiction, or panic.
50–85%: Reactive violence and localised harm — bar fights, domestic disputes turned violent, gang retaliation, theft under threat. Harmful, but usually impulsive and situational rather than strategic.
85–95%: Sustained coercion under a mask of normalcy — long-term financial abuse of a spouse, grooming a dependent for exploitation, running a sham business to fleece investors. Predators here wear suits, not balaclavas.
95–99%: Legal simulators — weaponising courts, laundering lies through “due process.”
99–100%: Systemic predators — traffickers, institutional abusers, genocide enablers.
Being “tough on crime” tends to focus on the bottom 85% of the scale. What I am confronting in both the UK and USA is the “legal simulators” — criminals who weaponise the coercive power of the state as cover. In the UK I face institutional fraud for revenue enforcement, and in the USA jurisdiction and custody fraud for personal gain. Short of the mass murderers, these “legal simulators” are among the most dangerous criminals, as they undermine the foundations of justice itself.
In this case I confront two archetypes:
The Betrayer (98%) — A man who killed trust and covenant while keeping his hands technically clean. He stole financial control, starved his partner into submission, fed private communications to an enemy, and testified to remove her child with fabricated narratives. Calm, calculated, and utterly inverted—presenting as helper and pastor while erasing a mother’s soul.
The Pretender (99%) — A man who orchestrated a child’s abduction through false jurisdiction, political smears, and civil process. He weaponised delay, optics, and fabricated “unfitness” to traffic a child under the guise of custody. This was emotional genocide laundered through the courthouse. It is not only the destruction of a mother, it is binding a child to fraud with lifelong consequences.
The common thread is both used law to invert justice, civility to erase morality, and the system’s blindness to shield themselves. They are not the criminals justice was designed to catch—but the ones justice must be redefined to confront.
The dynamics of child alienation
A kidnapped and alienated child often enters a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Their moral sense knows what’s happening is wrong, but their survival brain takes over — they are now dependent on the abuser for safety, food, and shelter. Confronting the alienating parent risks losing that fragile security, so they learn to keep the peace at any cost. The more courts, schools, counsellors, and extended family reinforce the alienator’s narrative, the harder it becomes for the child to break free.
“I destroyed the other parent, and if you don’t comply, then I will destroy you, too.”
The long‑term damage is profound. The child becomes morally corroded, bound into the abuser’s control system, and absorbed into the narcissist’s need for status. Instead of moving toward healthy independence, they emotionally stagnate — with far greater risk of chronic illness, domestic abuse, divorce, poverty, and substance abuse later in life.
The there are four phases to the alienation:
Initial seizure — The child complies for survival.
Normalisation — Familial trafficking is legitimised by complicit authorities.
Jolts of awareness — Moments where the child senses something is wrong, offering a small window for truth.
Escape or entrapment — The child either breaks free or sinks deeper if an escape attempt fails.
The key dilemma that entraps: The child wants a relationship with both parents — but the alienator has already removed that option, using the child as blackmail. The alienator’s deal to the victim parent is clear: submit to my control, cemented through legal simulation, or lose your child forever. The child ends up protecting their abductor as the “safe” option, at the price of corrupting their soul.
The victim parent’s rejection of this is the only moral course, but to the child — steeped in the abuser’s narrative — it’s spun as proof: “See? They never cared for you.” The sooner the child faces a binary choice between truth and fraud, the greater the chance they’ll see the alienator for what they are. But children will try to postpone that painful reality for as long as they can. You have to hold the line against this.
If we are serious about confronting child abuse and human trafficking, then every illegal movement of a child has to be treated as a crime by default. Family courts must be prevented from covering for this form of trafficking. There should be no de facto immunity handed out by civil courts for felonies using “best interests of the child” as an excuse. Familial child trafficking with court help is among the worst crimes.
Mechanics of abusive family systems
Things I know now through hard experience that I didn’t a year ago:
The obvious target isn’t the real target — Abuse often appears aimed at a child or dependent, but the true goal is to break or punish another family member — usually the one resisting control. Concern for the immediate victim is performative; the real agenda is domination, isolation, or asset extraction.
The generational curse — Abusers offer an unspoken deal: “Join us or share the fate of those we’ve destroyed.” Many victims comply to survive, adopting the abuser’s worldview and passing it on. Breaking free means rejecting the false safety of complicity.
Blackmail leverage — A child or dependent becomes a bargaining chip. Affection, contact, or financial support are made conditional on loyalty to the abuser’s narrative. This is not love — it’s leverage disguised as care.
Presence as endorsement — Remaining in the abuser’s home or circle is taken as proof that the arrangement is safe and just, strengthening their legitimacy and undermining any challenge to the abuse.
Misplaced loyalty and false guilt — Abusers frame exposure as betrayal. In truth, the harm they suffer when confronted is the result of their own choices. Victims owe no duty to protect the abuser’s comfort or reputation.
The double bind — Every choice carries punishment — emotional withdrawal, economic retaliation, further manipulation. This manufactured no‑win trap is the abuse. Naming it is the first step to escape.
Conditional care — Material comfort (housing, money, gifts) is used to buy loyalty and dependence. These benefits often come from ill‑gotten gains, binding the victim to the abuser’s fortunes.
The credibility clock — The longer abuse goes unreported, the easier it is dismissed as fabrication or coaching. The window of presumed credibility is shortest immediately after the abuse.
Assimilation by environment — Time spent in the abuser’s world reshapes the victim’s beliefs and normalises the abuse. The longer they stay, the harder escape becomes.
Diverging realities — You cannot live in two moral worlds at once. Victims who try to “visit” truth while remaining in the lie eventually must choose one reality or the other.
While I’ve used AI to help organise my notes and sharpen the language, everything above comes from my own direct experience and hard‑earned understanding. I’m realising just how pervasive narcissistic abuse is — including within my own family — and I’m setting firm boundaries, even when it dismays others.
I spent years at school learning Latin poetry, glacial valley formation, and quadratic equations. Valuable, yes — but they left out the most essential survival skill: recognising and resisting predatory human behaviour.
The abuse of court systems to commit crimes — especially familial child trafficking — is catastrophic for society. The damage doesn’t stop with the stolen child or the targeted parent. It ripples outward into decades of social cost: broken relationships, mental illness, addiction, and economic hardship.
I have faced a man willing to surveil his own home, spy on private conversations, and run covert operations — all to shield himself from justice for kidnapping a child in his care.
This is my testimony.
So that the crime of child trafficking under the mask of family law is seen for what it is — and so that one day, it will be stopped.
May God strengthen and sustain you and grant you Grace and Favor in all your efforts !
Quite perceptive, Martin. Excellent work for the rest of us to know about.