Saw it, said it, sorted it out

The art of subtle accountability: a case study in everyday integrity

Oddly, my astute companion immediately commented upon seeing the driving instructor’s car that she experienced a witchlike spirit coming off it. Why is this angry woman shouting at the car wash attendant and wagging her finger at him? Doesn’t she realise that the name of her driving school is on the car, so it’s not anonymous behaviour? Why is she so upset that they are hosing down my car alongside hers? Oh dear, why is she driving off without paying despite having most of the cleaning done? The attendant just shrugged his shoulders and said it happens quite often. The only thing is, you never quite know when an anti-corruption activist with a global platform might be watching.

On public transport there are frequent exhortations from British Transport Police to be vigilant and report any suspicious activity. This is done under the rubric of “See it. Say it. Sorted.” (This SSS alliteration has 666 vibes, along with the 999 emergency number, and 61016 text code where 1-0 is a bit 6ish looking. But nothing to see here.) Such regulation of public behaviour is an appeal to external authority, which is easily corrupted, yet is necessary at times. How might we police our own communities quietly, and with the end goal of peace in mind? Well, as the mobile number of the driving instructor was easy to find from the info on the car, I gave it a go.

I am having fun getting ChatGPT to write up interdisciplinary articles based on my inputs and prompts, but its infinite well of knowledge and ability to structure arguments that span domains. The output is well worth reading.

Here is the prompt:

Write an article on the exchange to help others become equally adept noting the spiritual aspects and including the body of the text messages.

Over to ChatGPT…

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In a world where small acts of dishonesty and entitlement often go unnoticed, holding people accountable can seem like an uphill battle. Many choose to ignore minor injustices, fearing confrontation or believing that their actions won’t make a difference. But what if we approached accountability with strategy, grace, and a sense of divine justice rather than aggression?

Recently, I found myself in a situation that tested this principle—an encounter at a car wash where a driving instructor appeared to leave without paying. The following exchange, which unfolded over text, serves as a practical guide for handling ethical lapses effectively, without unnecessary conflict. It also highlights a deeper spiritual truth: when we stand for what is right in a firm but compassionate way, we create ripples of change that influence others.

The Incident: A Driving Instructor Leaves Without Paying

While at a car wash, I witnessed a car drive away after receiving service, leaving the workers unpaid. The name of a driving school business was displayed on the side of the vehicle, so we looked it up and found a contact number. My passenger was troubled by what she saw, prompting me to take action. Instead of reacting with hostility, I decided to reach out in a way that would encourage self-reflection and resolution without unnecessary escalation.

Here is the exact conversation that followed:

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The Text Message Exchange

My Initial Message (Holding Space for Accountability)

Me:
"Hi [REDACTED], my name is Martin and I was in the car next to yours when you drove off from the car wash in [LOCATION] without paying. Your number is on Facebook. I offered to pay them on your behalf and they honourably declined. My passenger was upset at the behaviour she saw. It is possible I don’t have the full picture, so is there any way you can account for what happened?"

Her Response (Justification and Deflection)

Driving Instructor:
"Hi, by all means. I got there and asked if I could get a quick wash and go, no dry. Told the guy I was short on time, as had a test. He said yes, so he covered my car with foam. Bear in mind there was only one car in front of mine getting polished. I asked again if I could just get a quick wash as needed to go, but the guy started washing other cars. I got ushered over to the guy near the exit and he rinsed the car off, so again I asked if I could go, and he said I had to wait, so I said can I just get washed and go, and he started on another car beside me. Yes, I was in a hurry, but I wouldn't have gone in if there wasn’t only one car in front of me or if they told me it was a wait."

My Closing Response (Strategic Resolution & Encouragement of Reflection)

Me:
"Cool – you had told them that time was of the essence, hence they failed in their job. Case closed! Hope you have a less frustrating day ahead. Sorry to trouble you further."

Her Final Admission (Course Correction & Damage Control)

Driving Instructor:
"Well thanks for that. My learner passed their test, and I’ve actually gone back for the wash and paid the guys."

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Breaking Down the Strategy: Why This Worked

1. I Led with Inquiry, Not Accusation

   • Instead of calling her a thief or making assumptions, I gave her an opportunity to explain herself. This disarmed her and made her more likely to engage rather than react defensively.

   • The phrase "It is possible I don’t have the full picture" made it clear that I was open to hearing her side.

2. I Subtly Introduced Social and Ethical Pressure

   • Mentioning that her number was publicly available on Facebook was a quiet nudge that she wasn’t anonymous.

   • Highlighting that my passenger was upset reinforced that her actions were observed and judged—not just by me but by others as well.

3. I Shifted Blame to Create an "Exit Strategy" for Her

   • Instead of making it solely about her failure to pay, I reframed the problem as a failure of service on the car wash’s part. This gave her a psychological way out while still encouraging her to make things right.

4. I Ended with a Neutral, Friendly Closure

   • By saying “Hope you have a less frustrating day ahead” and apologizing for any trouble, I removed any reason for further defensiveness.

   • This prevented the conversation from escalating and allowed her to reflect without feeling cornered.

Spiritual Reflections: Justice Without Judgment

At its core, this situation was about holding someone accountable in a way that encouraged self-correction rather than resistance. This aligns deeply with spiritual principles:

• “You shall not pervert justice.” (Deuteronomy 16:19) – Integrity matters in all things, big and small.

• “Speak the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:15) – How we deliver correction affects whether it is received or rejected.

• “Let your light shine before others.” (Matthew 5:16) – When we take principled action, it sets an example, even in small interactions.

The driving instructor likely feared exposure—whether to her professional body or the police—but by handling the matter diplomatically, she chose to do the right thing rather than doubling down on defensiveness. Fear of consequences may have motivated her, but the opportunity to correct her mistake without shame made it easier for her to follow through.

This experience reinforces a key lesson: confronting wrongdoing doesn’t always require aggression—it requires wisdom.

Lessons for Everyday Accountability

1. Observe first, react later – Before assuming the worst, gather facts. If a situation seems unjust, seek understanding first.

2. Ask questions instead of making accusations – Give people a chance to explain, even if their justification is weak.

3. Introduce social and ethical pressure subtly – Make it clear their actions are seen without making direct threats.

4. Provide a way for people to correct their mistake without humiliation – Most people will choose the easier path if given an escape route.

5. End on a neutral or positive note – You want them to walk away reflecting, not resenting.

Final Thought: You Never Know Who’s Watching

At any given moment, an anti-corruption activist, a person of integrity, or simply someone who cares about justice might be observing. People who act selfishly or dishonestly often assume they will get away with it—but small interventions like this create a culture of accountability.

Integrity is a practice, not just a principle. Whether in a car wash, a courtroom, or a corporate boardroom, the way we handle small injustices determines the moral fabric of our world.

And as this driving instructor learned that day—you never know when someone is watching.